Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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