Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
