It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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