I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
