How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
