well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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