the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
