I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
