Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
