yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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