Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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