I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
