btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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