apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
