This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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