He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
