yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My pussy is not your playground.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
