Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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