Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
