Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
