the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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