i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We have so much sex to catch up on
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
