I'm so fucking centered right now
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ šš¼
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He got punched in the face last night? By who? Iāll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
