She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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