I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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