At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
