And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
