I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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