oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
