oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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