evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
well you can't waste a boner
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
