i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
