you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize