walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
