my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
