I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
