Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
