just come out here and I will go home with you...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
