soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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