I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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