i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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