I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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