do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
