Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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