census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
