I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
