What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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