The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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