Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
