He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
