Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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