he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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