I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
