i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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