Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I did not marry a roomba.
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