I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
