It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
