Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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