And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
