I want to have your abortion
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
