I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
