Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The convent might be a nice break from real life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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