Yo dont text me then not text me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
