You don't have asthma, your pregnant
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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