the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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