just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
