is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
