Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize