mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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