Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
