He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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