you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
