This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
